Taco Bell asked for my first name. Of course, a few months ago McDonalds did the same. Brighthouse has a truly creepy commercial dedicated to the new relationship they think they can assume.
I'm not buying it.
These corporations want me to see them as my friend. Fuck you. My friend would let me borrow a few bucks anytime I ask. My friends would let my delay paying them back a loan if I had difficulty one month. A friend wouldn't threaten me with withholding their friendship if I didn't do everything they wanted me to do - without question. Hey you fast food places - stop it. Stop asking for my first name so you can address me by it. You sound like some kind of mutant pedophile, "Hi (insert name). Your sandwich is ready."
FUCK YOU.
My first name is for friends only - you corporate welfare, minimum wage neo-slave shops have absolutely NO RIGHT to request access to that category in my life, so just stop it. I want a business relationship with you if you're not going to be a real friend - I have no use for your false-friend bullshit. Back the fuck off.
Brighthouse is a special case. They even made a dedicated commerical on their cable network - "Hello Friend". It's the creepiest damn thing I've ever seen. Brighthouse, we have a business relationship. See above. I pay you money, you provide a service. You are NOT MY FRIEND. You're just a fucking nameless corporation, another tentacle of the 1%, and there is no fucking way I'm gonna make you my friend.
Hello friend and FUCK THE HELL OFF.
